


Under your skin

by Lady_sb



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Multi, Romance, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:27:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22756282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_sb/pseuds/Lady_sb
Summary: Rafael Barba has a tattoo.Rafael Barbahas atattoo. And Sonny Carisi is intent on finding out why, for reasons he does not entirely understand yet.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 27
Kudos: 192
Collections: Barisi Valentine Prompt Challenge 2020





	1. ~Part I~

**Author's Note:**

> Hello wonderful people, this is my entry for Barisi Fanworks Exchange. The first time I have joined the challenge and I will admit I had a lot of fun with it. I already had this simmering idea of Rafael Barba getting a tattoo, since Raul Esparza admitted in a couple of interviews that the idea was appealing to him due to his character on Seared having some, so I built the challenge on that. I hope people enjoy and thanks for reading :)
> 
> My prompts were #Love: Teaching each other how to dance and #Weird: Soup
> 
> PS: David Bowie is God, nuff said

***

_What do you desire from the end of the world?_  
_Everyone always speaks of others_  
_Happily with a smile on their face_  
_As if their problems had nothing to do with them_

***

Rafael Barba had a tattoo. 

_Rafael Barba_ had a _tattoo_. 

In his entire life Sonny Carisi never thought he would hear anything as alien as that phrase. It was like saying deconstructed cannoli or efficient New York subway. 

Try as he might he could not stop those words ricocheting around in his head like billiard balls for the past week, ever since the team had been handed a case concerning an up-and-coming artist who had been involved in an assault-cum-robbery. 

Thankfully, she had managed to fend off her attacker, but Carisi could see why the case had been bounced to them. She almost looked like a caricature of a starving Goth artist with angular cropped hair with pink and green tips, a labret piercing that matched the steel bar at the base of her throat and both arms completely covered in tattoos. 

The precinct cops had taken one look at her and sidelined her case, which frankly pissed Carisi off. Yes, he was loyal to the blue line, but it had only taken one conversation with Adela to see how shaken she was, trying her hardest to shore up her soft tone with whatever courage she had left to tell her story. 

Carisi knew how much it hurt to be overlooked. 

“I think the boyfriend is good for it quite frankly,” Sonny said, pinning up a photo of the aforesaid boyfriend on the white board. In contrast to his edgy girlfriend, Richard Walker was the epitome of a preppy college boy with floppy blonde hair and a shy smile. 

He turned to the rest of the team to wait for their input and tried to gauge their reactions. Rollins was busy tapping away at her laptop as she took notes, Fin was tilting his head which told Carisi that he was deep in thought, while Benson was just taking the whole board in as if trying to make the pieces fit. 

And Barba…

Barba was half-sitting on the edge of the table, bouncing his pen off his bottom lip, charcoal grey trousers drawn up an inch to reveal a flash of unicorn coloured socks, his expression unreadable as always.

“Why do you think so Carisi?” Olivia asked, crossing her arms as she stood next to Barba.

“When I was talking to her, she mentioned that her attacker knew her a little too well, knew things that a stranger wouldn’t have. And since this boyfriend was her first, has been with her since college, he is the only one who would really know,” Carisi finished, tapping the photo. 

“So what’s the problem then?” It was Fin who spoke up this time. 

“He has an alibi, and it looks pretty airtight. That is why I need you here Counselor, I need some warrants so I can pick it apart,” Carisi explained, shooting Barba a determined look. 

He frowned when Barba didn’t seem to hear him, and was about to repeat what he said when the ADA suddenly stood up and planted his feet securely on the floor. 

“That looks fresh,” Barba remarked, using his pen to point at one of Adela’s many tattoos. Only this one stretched from the side of her knee to the top of her inner thigh. A sprawling dragon done in blue and silver, its wide eyes and snarling teeth menacing but there was an elegance to its ferocity. 

“So?” 

“Have you taken a look at her tattoo artist?” Barba offered up this question with a quirk of his eyebrow. “All this work, all of it looks like it was done with the same hand, and it looks like it was done over years.” 

Carisi’s head snapped to the photos and he bit the inside of his cheek. Now that Barba had pointed it out he couldn’t unsee it, and he mentally kicked himself for missing it. 

“You really think her tattoo artist would know her as well as her boyfriend?” Olivia asked. Barba gave a decisive nod. 

“This style… it is so distinct,” Barba mused, the words almost said under his breath, spoken in such an intimate way that Carisi felt a small jolt in his spine. 

“I don’t know why people get tattoos anyway,” Fin said gruffly. “All that money just to let someone hurt you over and over again. Not my scene at all.” 

Barba shrugged. 

“You know what they say Sargent about pain and pleasure. But some people do bond with their tattoo artists, it’s like any relationship, there needs to be a certain level of trust to let someone get that close.”

“You sound like you know about this first hand Counselor,” Amanda drawled, a glint of curiosity in her blue eyes. 

It was so quick that Carisi almost missed it. A twitch in the corner of Barba’s lip, a blue flash of certainty in those green eyes that was gone in a blink before the ADA’s normally cocky facade came back up. 

“So I’ve heard,” Barba said carelessly. “Anyway, I will get you those warrants Carisi, but do run some background on the artist. I may turn out to be wrong.” 

Although his tone was neutral, it was what he left unspoken that rang louder for Carisi. 

_“But I don’t think I am.”_

And with that, the ADA went back to furiously tapping on his phone as he walked to the lift, leaving Carisi feeling more than a touch flabbergasted. His idea of who Barba was upended in just one sentence. 

Fuck, Rafael Barba actually had one. 

Okay maybe he hadn’t actually come right out and said it, but Carisi was a detective after all, reading between the lines was crucial in his line of work. He hadn’t missed how Barba had unconsciously smoothed down the front of his waistcoat, as if to reassure himself that his armour was full in place, with no discernible chinks that he could feel beneath the palm of his hands. 

The ADA was so strait-laced, a full belt-and-braces kind of guy. 

Who would have realised that he was hiding a secret below those fine clothes? 

“Carisi? Carisi?” 

Sonny flinched as Amanda threw a wadded up piece of paper at him. He turned to frown at her, his mouth open as if to dish out a reprimanding remark that they were certainly not twelve. 

He stopped though when she gave him a sly look, her mouth turned up as if she was already enjoying a joke that she hadn’t bothered to tell him. 

“Sorry Lieu, I will get right on that,” Carisi said, gathering up his reports before he had even finished his sentence. He could almost feel the glare from Benson burn the back of his neck at his lapse in concentration. 

For now, he had a case to put together, someone who needed his help, and she took precedence above all. He didn’t have the time to worry and wonder about Barba and the mystery behind whatever he had inked into his skin.

But he definitely put a pin in it to go back to later.

Sonny Carisi liked things to make sense in his world. 

So he would try to make sense of it. 

***

Three weeks later and Carisi was no closer to finding his answer. And it was driving him borderline bonkers. 

The good thing was that it didn’t consume his every waking thought, that would have just been stalkery and more than a little creepy. But it entered his mind enough that even a dime store shrink would have called it mildly obsessive. 

Especially now since the issue bothering him was exactly _where_ Barba’s tattoo was placed. Was it on the turn of his right shoulder that he always favoured? The muscles stiff and unyielding as a result of always writing his arguments by hand? 

Or maybe it was just below the base of his neck, hidden under his starched collar and just barely covered by his undershirt. Or possibly somewhere on his broad chest, the raised lines constantly brushing against the poplin. 

One thing was for certain, Carisi thought as he twirled his pen, Barba would for sure not have a tramp stamp. 

Okay maybe _now_ he should be worried. 

But Sonny couldn’t help it, couldn’t help but watch Barba as he moved, his very presence shifting the air and energy around him, whether in court or the squadroom. The truth was Carisi had always been hyper aware when Barba walked in a room, taking mental notes as the ADA delivered his summations. 

Telling himself that one day, he would be standing there doing the same. 

In his quieter moments though, it would cross Carisi’s mind, why the fixation? So what if Barba had a tattoo? Everyone was allowed a moment of temporary madness in their life. 

“But Barba doesn’t do temporary madness,” Carisi muttered to himself as he slumped back on his couch. Glancing at the clock, he yawned when he realised that it was three am and he had been studying for four hours. No surprise then that his mind had chosen to wander begrudgingly over his current favourite conundrum. 

Ever since he had met him, Barba had been somewhat of an enigma to Carisi, whose feelings and emotions in contrast were so nakedly written across his face. 

He watched the sometimes mercurial and often short-tempered ADA handle cases in a way that could seem cold and uncaring, even to those who knew him. And yet, he could be so gentle when dealing with hurt families feeling almost indefinable sorrow, his low voice a balm on their frayed emotions, his eyes turning forest green in sympathy. 

Who scratched the hardest of his losses like a tally mark on his heart. 

It was that thought that returned to him a couple days later. The team was celebrating a hard-won victory with a late night drink, another day fighting monsters in the can. But from the moment they sat down Carisi could see that something was off with Barba. 

The ADA was standing by the bar waiting for Charlie the bartender to take notice, and immediately Carisi noticed the slight drop in Barba’s shoulders, as if the burden of the day had been too much to bear. 

“Good job today Counselor,” Carisi said, sidling up to the older man on the pretence of his refreshing his own drink. Barba shrugged as he looked down at the countertop. 

“Could have done more,” he murmured. “For what he did to the kid…” 

Carisi watched Barba clenched his fists and felt something twinge inside him. It was always hardest with kids, who looked up at you with their eyes wide as if you had all the answers. 

As if you could always save them.

“We got him in jail Barba, and that will do for now,” Carisi said quietly, his fingers itching to pat Barba on the shoulder. 

“Carisi’s right Rafa,” Olivia said, suddenly coming up behind both of them. Carisi watched as she put her hand on his forearm and gave it a comforting squeeze. Instantly Barba’s shoulders relaxed and his hands opened up.

“Thanks Liv,” Barba said, shooting Olivia a grateful look. 

But it left Sonny feeling a little bit like a third-wheel, so he mumbled an excuse and went back to join the rest of the squad. But his eyes never strayed too far from Barba that night. 

Carisi supposed that was probably why he wanted to get to know Barba better. There were aspects of his personality that he wanted to emulate. That bulletproof confidence that could rub many people the wrong way, yet was still so charming that it could sway jury members. 

The part that was cranky, coffee-addicted and used insults as compliments? Not so much. 

There was something else though. A trace of something mixed in with his admiration. Something in the darker shadows of his emotions, which Sonny only acknowledged late at night in his bed when he had been unable to sleep, where his only companion was the sound of New York traffic at midnight. 

Something that felt perilously close to envy. 

Envy that someone had been able get so close to the older man who was such a closed book. Let someone close enough so that they could mark him for life. Who had maybe held him, cleaned him, scarred him. 

Okay now maybe he should be _really_ worried. 

But…

Carisi shook his head as he ran a hand through his hair, the click of his heels sharp against the marble floor at One Hogan Place. 

The ultimate goal was the same, to suss out what it was that made Barba tick. Maybe if he did, he would let Carisi learn from him. What he was going through, he wanted so badly to talk to somebody about it. His colleagues certainly didn’t want to talk to him about law and its finer aspects. 

Okay, maybe Barba didn’t want to either but that was just in general. 

So, instead of just observing, Carisi figured he would actually work at it. 

And an excellent cup of coffee was as good a place as any to start. 

Although technically his shift was over, it was his week to run files and on the way he detoured to his favourite cafe to pick one up for Barba, despite the lateness of the hour. He figured the ADA was probably 95% caffeine at this point anyway. 

Not that Sonny could really claim to be any better given the espresso he had downed earlier. The good thing was that the artificial boost helped to clear his mind and allowed his thoughts to sharpen. 

Of course what he had previously felt couldn’t be jealousy, he reasoned, his confidence growing with every step. That would mean he was attracted to Barba, which he was decidedly not. In fact, Sonny had actually just started going out with Adeline, the sister of an old friend of his from Staten Island. 

She was smart and bubbly, with blunt-cut bangs and almond shaped eyes, just Sonny’s type. 

And… he was late meeting her, Sonny thought regretfully as he glanced at his watch. Only to almost collide with Barba coming out of his office. 

“Carisi! Watch where you are going!” Barba scolded as he only just managed to avoid having spilt on his suit. Carisi was mortified. 

“Shit, sorry sorry Barba,” Sonny apologised, trying to balance the cup in one hand as he tucked the files under his arm so he could look for some paper napkins. 

“Give me that Carisi before it goes all over the files,” Barba said sharply, reaching for the paper cup so that the detective wouldn’t have to hold himself at such an awkward angle. 

“Well it’s for you anyway Barba,” Carisi said, finally finding the wad of serviettes he had stuffed into his backpack. Silently he dabbed at the spill, while internally cursing his clumsiness. 

“Thanks Carisi, but I was just about to head out for dinner.” 

Despite his remarks, Carisi saw Barba take a sip, almost as if he couldn’t help himself. The detective gave a self-satisfied smirk when he saw Barba’s features soften, telling him that he was somewhat forgiven. 

Barba cleared his throat. 

“So if you want me to look at anything, I will look at it at home later, unless it is urgent,” Barba said, pulling on a pair of thick leather gloves before smoothing down the Persian-lamb collar of his black wool trench coat. 

Carisi shook his head. 

“You can look at it later, let me walk you out Counselor. I’ve got dinner plans too.” 

“A date?” Barba asked casually. 

“Something like that,” Carisi replied, lengthening his stride so he could keep up with the other man. Despite the difference in heights, Carisi always found himself having to jog after the prosecutor, who walked as if he had no time to waste. 

But both skid to a halt when they reached the entrance and a wet gust of wind hit them squarely in the chest. Carisi flinched as a crack of lightning split the sky, illuminating the annoyed expression on Barba’s face. 

“Well ain’t that just peachy,” Barba grumbled, inching backwards so he wouldn’t get hit by the rain that was coming down in large, fat drops. 

“Surely you can just get a Lyft?” Carisi offered, digging around in his backpack for the foldable umbrella he kept there. 

“I’m meeting an old colleague of mine at this restaurant four blocks away. Never mind it is in the opposite direction so a Lyft would have to make a massive U-turn,” Barba scowled as he reached for his phone to tell his friend he would be late. 

“Oh,” Carisi replied, looking down at his hands. “You don’t have an umbrella?” 

“Do I look like I have one Carisi?” Barba snapped, sticking his phone back in his coat. But Carisi barely flinched as a thought dawned on him. 

Barba, a man who kept a full suit and set of toiletries in his office, surprisingly did not own a foldable umbrella. 

Who would have thought? 

“Then take mine Counselor,” Carisi said, shaking the umbrella open with a snap of his wrist, slipping the sheath back into his bag. Barba frowned as he shook his head and opened his mouth to protest. 

“Consider it my apology for almost spilling coffee on you earlier,” Carisi said with gentle insistence, pressing the handle into Barba’s hands. The shock of having the detective suddenly touch him with his cold hands took the ADA back a step. 

“Thanks Detective,” Barba finally relented, clutching the umbrella closer to his chest. “Will get it back to you tomorrow.” 

“No rush,” Carisi replied with a smile. 

“How are you getting to your dinner then?”

“On it,” Carisi flipped his phone over so that Barba could see that he had already called for a car. “And no worries, I already told her that a certain slave driver was making me late, and I blamed it entirely on you.” 

Barba snorted. 

“Sure, sure make me the bad guy,” Barba waved Carisi’s joke off. Carisi was about to shoot a smart answer back when the expression on Barba’s face stopped him. 

“Apologise to her for me Carisi. A gentleman should never keep a lady waiting,” Barba said, chivalrous and sincere. 

Carisi just stared at Barba as he walked down the stairs without a backward glance, the edges of his coat gleaming as it brushed against the steps. But soon a half-smile played across his lips at the glimmers of new information he had uncovered about the ADA. 

“Interesting,” Carisi murmured. 

Interesting indeed. 

***

In a blink, a month had passed by before Carisi even realised it. But it was heartening to him that his plan to get closer to Barba was working. As he continued to progress on his course, Sonny suddenly became much more useful to the ADA, given that now he could work on motions and help him with case law. 

So alongside his usual shifts and classes, Carisi was now splitting his evenings between Barba’s office and going out with Adeline. He still wasn’t sure where their relationship was going, but it certainly beat spending it home alone. 

Barba definitely noticed though. 

“Don’t you have somewhere better to be Carisi?” 

Caris looked up from where he was seated on Barba’s leather couch to meet the gaze the older man was giving him from behind his desk. His feet were up and Carisi could see that his socks today were red check, peeping out from under the hem of his dark blue trousers, subtly matching his maroon tie. 

“I mean, what about that girl you were seeing?” 

Carisi blinked at Barba’s comment. He was surprised that Barba would remember that little fact from weeks ago. 

“She’s busy. Plus, nobody else in my class has as much access to this type of first-hand learning experience,” Carisi replied, waving his hand over the stacks of files. 

Barba rolled his eyes, but said nothing as he went back to scribbling his notes longhand. But the ADA was never the type to sit still for very long, and in the quiet of the room Carisi could hear every shift in his weight and creak of his plush office chair. 

At first Carisi treated it like static that he pushed to the back of his mind as he tried to make sense of the words in front of him. Until he heard Barba let out a slow breath that made his ears pick up.

Trying his hardest not to turn his head, Carisi watched the ADA through downcast eyes squeeze the sensitive trapezoid muscle at the side of his neck. He saw Barba’s lips part to let out a sound that was so close to a moan that it raised a line of gooseflesh up his arm. 

Swallowing hard, Carisi suddenly remembered his original impetus for improving his relationship with Barba. Although he definitely knew the older man better now, there was still one mystery that he had yet to uncover. 

Carisi gave a small cough as he watched Barba tug at his cufflinks so he could roll up his sleeves to reveal unmarked skin. 

“You okay Barba?” 

Barba didn’t even look up from what he was reading and instead just gave an affirmative grunt. 

Maybe this was the right time to ask him Carisi mused. They were both in fairly good moods, and they were certainly much closer colleagues now. And he could blame the lateness of the hour for the mildly inappropriate question. 

“Hey Barba,” Carisi started, getting to his feet so he could move closer to Barba’s desk. He tried his hardest not to fidget in his shoes as he got closer and closer. 

“Yes Carisi?” Barba asked, unruffled at the sudden change. Sonny opened his mouth to ask his question, only to have his nerves overtake him at the steady look in the ADA’s eyes. 

“Where do you get your shirts made?” Carisi fumbled, a spark of shame lighting up inside him at how easily he had chickened out. 

“Excuse me?” 

“I mean,” Carisi started and stopped, running an anxious hand through his hair. “That girl I’m seeing… she wants us to go for this really fancy do in a couple of weeks and I am kinda worried that my shirts don’t fit right.” 

Barba snorted. 

“They don’t Carisi.” 

“That aside,” Carisi batted away the jab. “I know you have a good tailor, mind sharing the contact?” 

Barba pretended to ponder the question for a split second, before planting his feet on the floor with a solid thump and leaning forward across his desk. 

“I was once told there are three things a man should never share. His aftershave, his bank account, and his tailor,” Barba replied, ticking the reasons one-by-one off his fingers. Carisi narrowed his eyes at the sneer in his words. 

Why did Barba have to be such a dick at times? 

“Besides, to have a custom made shirt would take a lot longer than a few weeks.” Barba was being dismissive now, which raised Sonny’s ire even more. 

“Fine, then tell me what to look for since you seem to know it all,” Carisi responded stiffly, crossing his arms. A part of him said he should have known better than to expect Barba to be forthcoming about anything. 

The ADA looked up in confused surprise at the sudden hard edge to Carisi’s tone. He clearly never expected the detective to take his comment so seriously. 

At first he wanted to snap back. The younger man had no right to speak to him like that, above all in his own office. 

Yet something in Carisi’s steely blue eyed gaze stopped him. That, and the stack of folders that he caught sight of on the table behind him, which would have taken Barba hours to go through alone. Hours that Carisi had spent of his own free will. 

Barba relented. 

“Calm down Carisi,” Barba said quietly. “If you are seriously looking for a good shirt the easiest way to tell is to look at the stitching.” 

“The stitching?” 

“Yes,” Barba replied, unfurling his right sleeve so he could show Carisi what he meant. Beckoning him closer so he could point out the workmanship in his cuffs. 

“Proper stitching should almost be invisible, it should be tight, but it should never bunch. It should lie flat against your skin and move with you.” 

“Uh huh,” Carisi replied as he tried to take in what Barba was saying. But for the moment he was more distracted by the almost sensual brush of Barba’s fingers against the seams of his shirt. 

Carisi hoped to God that Barba couldn’t see the flush creeping up from the base of his neck. 

“Fabric matters too, of course. It should almost feel like silk but good cotton has some heft. Once you’ve felt good fabric, it becomes easy to discern when something is cheap,” Barba finished, rolling his sleeves back up. 

“But no matter what the fabric, you’ve got to remember to invest in a good iron too. If you want to save your sanity, make it a steam iron.” 

Carisi chuckled at Barba’s housekeeping joke, which he reciprocated with a smile. 

“Mark my words though, stitching, that never lies.” 

Carisi inhaled sharply as Barba looked him straight in the eye, holding his gaze for a touch longer than necessary, to the point that it was unnerving. But not in a way that was uncomfortable, rather in a way that made his blood heat up a couple notches. 

“Got that, thanks Barba,” Carisi finally said, hoping that his earlier indiscretion did not show in his voice. Brushing down the front of his shirt, Carisi walked back to where he had been sitting before so he could quickly finish the rest of his work. 

He was suddenly struck by the urge to get out of there as soon as possible. 

Carisi had only made his way through half a motion when his phone buzzed. Picking it up, he was taken aback to see that it was Barba that had messaged him. Confused, Carisi clicked the message open and his jaw dropped a little when he saw that the ADA had shared with him a Google Map link titled “Robert & Sons”. 

Sonny jerked his head to the side and saw Barba silently looking at him. But before he could ask for an explanation, the ADA beat him to it. 

“When you pass the bar, you will need a better suit,” Barba said evenly before turning his attention back to his notes, telling Carisi that was all he was prepared to say on the matter. 

“Thanks,” Carisi said gruffly, as he saved the address in his contacts. 

But it seemed as if Barba hadn’t heard him, engrossed as he was in his prep. Carisi wanted to say more, but decided against it, his earlier urge to bolt rapidly fading. 

Carisi knew now where Barba had his clothes made. And for a man whose suits were pretty much a physical manifestation of his personality, the knowledge was almost as personal as his dating history. 

A part of Carisi wanted to press the issue, to capitalise on the moment so he could uncover more about the gruff ADA. But he also knew when it was time not to stretch his luck. 

Instead he just enjoyed the easy atmosphere that was present between them as they worked on into the night. 

***

Carisi had to stop a broad smile from cracking his face as he made his way to Barba’s office. Today was one of those rare days where everything was going right, where it was almost an absolute certainty that he would be able to clock out on time and make his date with Adeline. 

Just as well too, given that tonight was the gala that her company held every year at the Met. A super swanky affair that Carisi felt more than prepared for, his tux pressed and on a hanger back at the station. 

But more important than that, it was one of those days where he was able to catch the bad guy. 

“I was right Counselor, it was the boyfriend.” 

Barba looked up as Carisi swept into his office without bothering to knock and dumped a file on his table. The ADA’s eyes narrowed as he took in the cocky smile on Carisi’s face that was just a touch too smug for his own good. 

“Which case is this one Carisi?” Barba asked, flipping the file open. 

“Adela, the artist that got assaulted. You asked us to look into her tattoo artist, who you were certain was good for it,” Carisi said with a triumphant smirk. 

“I said you should include him when doing due diligence, not that he was the one that did it,” Barba hedged, stubborn as always. Carisi was a hairsbreadth away from rolling his eyes at how unwilling the older man was to give an inch. 

“She, Barba. Adela’s tattoo artist is a girl.”

“Who she had a side thing with I see,” Barba scanned the report quickly, already starting to formulate his argument in his head. “And that was why Mr Preppy went off on her?” 

Carisi nodded. “Classic case of jealousy gone mad. We picked him up this afternoon.” 

“Good work Carisi, tell me when he gets counsel and let’s see how this plays out,” Barba said, his tone too casual to be considered praise. But knowing Barba the way he did, Carisi would take it as a win. 

“I owe you a coffee Detective.” 

Although he couldn’t stop the slight prick of joy at the offer, Carisi shook his head. 

“Maybe another day Counselor, got a date tonight and I can’t be late.” 

“Was it that formal event you were talking about a couple weeks ago?” Barba said, only half-paying attention to the man in front of him as he started to make notes. Carisi was impressed. 

“You remembered Barba, how sweet,” Carisi smirked, but there was still something genuine in the curve of his smile. “Thanks by the way, for the advice about the shirts.” 

“No problem,” Barba waved off Carisi’s gratitude. “I mean it is Valentine’s day after all.” 

Carisi started as glanced at the calendar at his watch. How could he have forgotten what the date was today?

Never mind, Carisi thought as he tried to move past his faux pas. The date didn’t really matter, and he wasn’t going to be spending it alone anyway. 

“At least I won’t look like a fool tonight. Well, until I step on the dance floor that is,” Carisi added ruefully rubbing the back of his head, that little admission slipping out before he even realised it. 

“You can’t dance?” Barba asked with a raise of an eyebrow, finally looking up from his yellow legal pad. 

“I mean everybody can _dance_ Counselor,” Carisi shot back defensively. “It’s just… not a lot of ballroom dancing events on Staten Island, ya know? But really how hard can it be?” 

Barba watched more than a little horrified as Carisi tried to show him his dance pose, his limbs rigid and unnatural as if all his joints had been locked. It was made worse when the detective attempted to move, holding his arms in a way that would have been appropriate only if his dancing partner was a cow that he somehow had tricked to standing on its hind legs. 

“No, no, no Carisi. I can’t in good faith let you subject some poor girl to _that_ ,” Barba admonished, coming around from behind his desk. 

Before Carisi could cotton on to what was happening, suddenly Barba was in front of him, pulling and tugging at his limbs. Trying to arrange him as if he were an artist doll into a position that he deemed acceptable. 

“Relax Carisi, you aren’t about to arrest your date,” Barba muttered, taking Carisi’s hand into his and trying to loosen the lock of his elbow. 

“Firm, but gentle. You are right-handed right?” 

Carisi nodded, and swallowed hard when Barba took his left hand and placed it just above his waist and centered his thumb in the palm of the younger man’s right hand.

“Let your steps follow your heartbeat, count it in your head if you have to. And loosen your hips for cripes sake, you look as if you are about to snap in two. And no big movements unless you want to fling her off the dance floor,” Barba snarked, shuffling his feet so that Carisi wouldn’t be so bolted to the floor. 

But Carisi barely heard him, as he became acutely aware of how close the two of them were standing, close enough to catch the blue facets in Barba’s hazel eyes. The ADA may have not thought more of it, but for Sonny all his senses suddenly switched on to high alert. 

He was close enough to inhale the smell of Barba’s cologne, something woodsy with an underlying peppery sweetness. He could feel the silky grey-green striped back of Barba’s waistcoat under his fingertips, brown today and unbuttoned, the ends framing his tea green shirt. 

And beneath all that, Sonny could feel the gentle sway of Rafeal’s body as he unconsciously moved to a rhythm that only he could hear. 

When did he start calling him Rafael in his head? 

“So you know how to dance huh Barba?” Carisi said, hoping that his voice didn’t sound as shaky as he thought it did. 

Barba shrugged. “More than you for sure.” But he must have felt Carisi’s hesitation because he offered up the next bit of info without prompting. 

“My mum, she always was looking for someone to go dancing with her at school events. I sometimes think that she just wants to embarrass me,” Barba confessed with more than a hint of self-deprecation. 

Carisi shook his head. 

“I don’t think having you as a partner could be an embarrassment to anybody Barba,” Carisi said with as much sincerity as he could muster. He felt his heart stutter as Barba shot him a look of surprise, his expression changing to something that Carisi had never seen before. 

Barba dropped Carisi’s hand like he had been burned and took two definite steps back, putting some space between them as if what the detective said had somehow personally offended him. 

“Well if that is all Carisi, I’ve got your case to win for you,” Barba cleared his throat as he went back to his chair, safe behind the barrier of his desk. He shouldn’t have worried really, Sonny was feeling as confused as the ADA probably was. 

“Yeah, I better go. Thanks for the impromptu dancing lesson Counselor, if you could even call it that,” Carisi tried to cover up the moment with a joke, more for his benefit than anyone else. 

Because suddenly a part of him wanted nothing more than to stay. 

“Don’t keep her waiting Carisi,” Barba said dismissively. That flash of emotion, vulnerability, feelings, or whatever it was, was gone in an instant, like wisp of smoke melding into the air. 

Like it had never happened. 

Not trusting himself to speak, Carisi turned on his heel and walked out of Barba’s office. But even as he made the walk back to the precinct, even as he changed and got ready, he could still feel the ghost of Barba’s touch like a brand on his skin. 

And he tried his hardest to not think about what it might mean. 

***

“Dominick? Dominick? You okay?”

Sonny snapped to attention when Adeline waved her hand in front of his face, her brown eyes filled with concern. He had zoned out again. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Sorry Addie, I guess I am more tired than I thought,” he responded, rubbing his face, stopping only when she caught him by the wrists. 

“You’ll hurt yourself Dominick,” she said gently, rubbing her thumb over his cheekbone. Sonny smiled back, but he could not help the pang of guilt deep in his chest. He wanted to reassure her he was okay, but he was still too distracted for it to be the truth. 

Clearly he took too long to answer, because Adeline pulled back her hand with a sigh. 

“I am sorry I dragged you to this sweetheart. I know you aren’t fond of these kinds of events,” she said, but her soft tone told him that she wasn’t upset. And that just made him feel worse. 

“No, really, it’s okay. I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks. And everything looks amazing,” he finished, casting his eye over the entire ballroom. 

That was the truth. The Met was beautiful anyway, and Adeline’s event company had chosen to decorate it in swaths of pink and white, punctuated by bunches of latex heart-shaped balloons sprinkled with gold stars. 

In response she smiled at him, and Sonny could taste the shame at the back of his mouth at how distracted he had been the entire evening. 

What was wrong with him? The setting could not have been more romantic. Each table was filled with candles, casting crystal fractals on the dark tablecloth as the light reflected off the chandeliers. The profusion of roses and lilacs in every corner casting a heady perfume over the entire room. 

And at the centre of it all was Adeline, who had taken his breath away when he had picked her up, dressed in a raw silk chartreuse gown that fit her every curve, fingers adorned in hammered silver, a blue enameled butterfly holding back her hair. 

She had looked so lovely that Sonny’s mind for a while was filled with only thoughts of her. Her laugh, her sweet voice that sounded like the tinkling of a bell as she talked about local politics. 

Sonny saw all of that. But then, when they had gotten up to dance and she leaned against his chest, Sonny could not help but flash back to Barba’s office. Could not help but compare how he felt then to what he was feeling now. 

He had an absolutely stunning woman in his arms, and yet the only he could think about was a cranky ADA, who was probably furiously writing in his office, trying to finish a case that Carisi had brought him. 

But before he could ponder the deeper implications of what he was doing, thankfully his phone buzzed. Shooting Adeline an apologetic look, Sonny pulled his phone out of his pocket so he could see who had messaged him. 

Only to have his heart unexpectedly skip at the notification.

_“Made a fool of yourself yet?”_

Sonny could not help but smile at the sarcasm, evident even through blocks of text. Barba must have been seriously bored to message him this out of the blue. 

_“I didn’t throw her off the dance floor if that is what you mean Barba.”_

_“Did you hold her like a hand grenade?”_

Carisi snorted, which he tried to cover up with a napkin. He would answer that later when he had time. 

“Sorry Addie, work,” Carisi said, placing his phone face down on the table. But he stopped when he saw an unfathomable look cross her face as she bit her bottom lip. 

“Hey...sorry…” 

“I’m going outside for a sec Dominick. Why don’t you get us some drinks and join me,” she suggested with a smile, reaching for his shawl. 

Nodding obediently, Carisi went to the bar to get them both the signature cocktail for that night. A Japanese inspired pastiche of a gin and tonic made with sour plums over cracked ice, topped with sugared cherry blossom petals. 

Usually Carisi was a straight beer man, but even he had to admit that he liked the drink, its prettiness hiding a pretty lethal wallop. 

Glasses in hand, Carisi made his way outside and found Adeline leaning against the railing, her slender silhouette a sharp contrast to the lights of Manhattan.

“You are gonna freeze,” Sonny said, handing her the drink, which she wordlessly accepted. He opened his arms so that she could step into the circle, only to have her pull away, her brown eyes dark. 

“Adeline?” 

“I don’t think this is going to work out Dom,” she said quietly. 

Sonny felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under him. 

“Why? Because of tonight? I mean, I am really sorry… it has just been…” 

“No it’s not about tonight Dominick. And it is nothing that you’ve done,” she placed her hand in a reassuring manner on his arm. “It has been fun, but I don’t see this going anywhere.” 

Sonny opened his mouth to protest, only to close it when he realised that she was right. He had liked her, really liked her, but when he tried to picture any kind of future with her, all he could draw up was blanks. 

Didn’t mean it hurt any less though. 

“I understand, and I’m sorry,” Sonny apologised, his voice small. 

“Hey, hey…” Adeline reached up to cradle his face so she could look at him directly. 

“You are lovely, and sweet, and handsome. You are just… not for me,” she said, her voice more than a little wistful. Trying her hardest to soften the fact that he was being dumped. 

“You are amazing, and you deserve someone amazing. I am sorry I couldn’t be that for you,” Sonny said, going for bravado that was half-a-step away from failing. 

Instead of answering, Adeline instead drew him into her arms. Sonny closed his eyes, resisting the urge to bury his nose into the coldness of her hair, lulled by the muffled sound of the party in full swing, spilling out from the windows. 

“Let me give some advice Dominick,” Adeline pulled back while still keeping their hands clasped together. “You should date that person.” 

“What person?” Sonny replied confused. 

“The person who makes your eyes light up like that,” Adeline said simply. 

As if betraying him, his phone buzzed as if on cue, causing him to jump. With a knowing smile on her lips, Adeline tilted her head in the direction of his pocket. 

“You should get that. I am going to find my friends okay?” She accompanied her words with a quick kiss on his cheek, before dropping his hands so that she could make her way inside. 

Leaving Carisi standing alone, turning over her words in his mind as he tried to make sense of it. Sonny _always_ wanted his world to make sense, only to find that he actually had no clue. 

Breathing deeply, he reached for his phone to unlock it. Of course the message was from Barba, he probably hated being ignored more than anything else. 

_“Too much?”_

For a minute Sonny just stared at the short message, a myriad of thoughts tumbling through his head. A part of him wanted to ignore it, lock Rafael Barba back in the box that Sonny had put him in to begin with. 

Before Sonny made it his mission to crack it open. 

What was that saying? Right… you couldn’t unring a bell. 

So Sonny did the only thing he could do, he jumped in feet first. 

_“You free next Friday night?”_


	2. ~Part II~

***

_You calm the storms and you give me rest_  
_You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall_  
_You steal my heart and you take my breath away_  
_And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?_

***

Barba liked being looked at. That much was obvious right from the get-go. A blind man could have seen it from a mile off. 

You didn’t need to have spent that much time with the prosecutor to know that he was a peacock. Not many lawyers wore three-piece suits to court after all, and even fewer owned peach-blushed shirts. 

So yes, Rafael was used to being looked at, whether with lust, admiration, hatred or fear. 

Except when it came to Sonny Carisi. 

Carisi who looked at him in a way that was more confusing than flattering. 

Sometimes, when Barba was quick enough, he would catch Carisi watching his every move. To his credit, the detective tried to cover it up, either by dropping his gaze back to his work or a half-assed smart remark. 

To be frank, he was getting better at the latter, Barba thought begrudgingly. 

No, it was the way he was looking at him, it was as if he was trying to figure him out. 

And Barba _hated_ that. 

It was easier to remain aloof, especially with people that he worked with. Olivia was the sole exception, but it was also because they were closer in age, their life experiences ran along the same track. And with her he didn’t have as much of an urge to smack her across the back of her head. 

Yet, he couldn’t really bring himself to be that cruel to Carisi. It would have been like kicking an especially friendly golden retriever, and of all things he was, Rafael was rarely vindictive. Except when it came to defense attorneys, and even then it was more out of self-preservation. 

And at his best Carisi was sweet and sharp, at his worst he was gauche and awkward. Barba really didn’t know what to do with that. 

That must have been why he had agreed to let Carisi cook for him, at his apartment, on some random Friday night. 

“You doing okay in there?” Barba asked, pushing his glasses further down his nose as he heard banging going on in his kitchen. 

There was a clink, a fumble, and suddenly Carisi’s head popped around the corner bearing a determined smile. He simply gave a thumbs-up in response and disappeared back into the kitchen. 

Barba bit back a sigh as he wondered for the hundredth time that day why he had said yes to this. To Carisi’s offer to thank him for teaching him how to dance, and where to get his shirts done. 

Things so insignificant, Barba wondered why it even warranted a thank you. But Carisi had been so warm, so sincere that Barba just gave in. Maybe so it could be over and done with, because Carisi was nothing if not irritatingly persistent. 

Maybe, it was because Barba was also human and there was nothing more appealing to his ego than an eager young man who wanted to please him. 

It was those eyes, Barba thought to himself. Eyes that were a mirror of the Pacific. 

If he squinted, something about Carisi brought to mind a young Peter O’Toole, albeit it with an appalling Staten Island accent. And none of the roguish charm. 

Peter O’Toole certainly wouldn’t have showed up at his apartment clutching a bag full of groceries, dressed in his white work shirt with his blue-striped tie askew, hair slick and still wet from a hasty shower. 

Who insisted on making him soup, which was probably the most unromantic thing you could ever cook. Except maybe for onion rings and garlic mozzarella sticks. 

“What soup are you making again Carisi?” Barba asked leaning against the door jamb, his curiosity finally having gotten the better of him. 

“Secret,” Carisi answered flippantly, dropping a handful of potatoes into the simmering pot, trying his hardest to ignore Barba’s hard, questioning gaze. 

Carisi wasn’t completely dense. He was aware that soup was an extremely unsexy thing to cook, but then he wasn’t really trying to be sexy. 

Because to Sonny there was an art to making really good soup from scratch. From making the stock from odds and ends, to choosing which chunky cuts of vegetables and meat to put in, and deciding whether to make it clear and firey or creamy and mellow. 

Although he understood the appeal of a quick pick-me-up that came thick and claggy in a red and white tin, and the reassurance that came from drinking it so hot that it burnt the roof of your mouth, any relief it gave was temporary. 

Soup, good soup done well, could insulate a home as well as fibreglass batting. It brought you back to autumn days sinking into a couch as the world turned gold, your mum with a cool hand on your forehead. 

And at the moment, Sonny figured that comfort was the best way to go. 

“Come taste this,” Sonny beckoned Barba closer as he adjusted the seasoning. He dropped a couple pinches of salt in the broth and gave it a final stir. He took out a spoonful and blew on it gently before offering it to Barba. 

“Careful.” 

Frowning, Barba leaned forward to take a quick sip from the spoon. Sonny watched with knowing eyes as the ADA’s features hardened for a millisecond before evening out. 

“Not bad,” Barba commented, but Sonny had to bite back a triumphant smile. 

“It will be better after an hour in the oven. I will put it on a timer and join you in the living room,” Carisi gently shooed the prosecutor away so he could wash his hands. 

When he went back to the living room, Barba was back to reading what looked like a brief. But he had poured the detective a measure of whisky over a couple of ice cubes. 

Sonny smiled, Barba remembered how he took it. Grabbing it, he took a sip and savoured the oaky taste and richness that coated his tongue like melted butter. The bottle was next to it, which Sonny tipped over so he could see the elegant Japanese script that he couldn’t read and the crystal square-top. 

“Hibiki? Never figured you for a Japanese whisky drinker Counselor,” Sonny said, sitting down next to the ADA. 

Barba shrugged. 

“For a change, it was a present from someone,” Barba said. Suddenly he became keenly aware of how close Sonny was to him, the faded scent of sage coming off his clothing, from cooking in _Barba’s_ kitchen. 

Rafael watched the other man’s profile as he drank, his rapidly silvering hair giving him an air of distinction, clashing sharply with his boyish features that betrayed his real age. 

Why did he ever think soup was unromantic? Not when Sonny smelt so domestic, like home, fitting so easily into his apartment. 

Like that day back in his office when he had been trying to get Sonny to relax. A part of him subconsciously registering how well they seemed to fit, physically at least. 

But that memory also made him recall something else. 

“Not that I don’t appreciate you invading my kitchen Detective, but don’t you have a girlfriend that you should be cooking for instead of me?” Barba asked, taking a sip from his own tumbler. 

Sonny shook his head. 

“She wasn’t really my girlfriend, and plus she dumped me,” Sonny replied, trying his hardest to sound unaffected, but draining his glass dry in a way that made Rafael wince. It was a travesty to drink 15-year Hibiki like that.

But that didn’t stop him from pouring more into Carisi’s glass, which made the younger man shoot him an appreciative look. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Carisi shrugged. “Ego was more bruised than anything else. I am a big boy, I will get over it.” 

“No I am, I know firsthand you really tried.” 

“She said I was sweet and nice, just not for her,” Sonny said, hesitating for only a split-second before deciding to go on. “And she was right, she wasn’t for me either.” 

“Then who is for you?” Barba asked quietly, not realising that he had closed the gap between them. 

“I don’t know,” Sonny admitted with a lift of his shoulder. Turning his head, he found Barba’s face inches from his, those green eyes dark and unreadable. 

“Maybe I don’t know what I am looking for yet,” Sonny said softly. He could feel his heart start to thump against his ribcage as he watched Barba looking at him, the tip of his tongue tracing his bottom lip. 

But Sonny still didn’t know what he should do. 

Should he laugh it off? Should he try to downplay the spike of desire he was feeling?

Should he…

Barba kissed him. _Really_ kissed him. 

Silencing all the questions that were running through his head, turning all his doubts into pure yearning. 

Sonny didn’t hesitate before kissing him back, daring to put his hands beneath Barba’s chin so he could pull his closer. Open his mouth so his tongue could brush against the enamel of his teeth, softly stroking his palate. 

Of all the things he had been expecting to accomplish from the moment he decided to find out about Barba’s tattoo, he never expected _this_ to be something he wanted. Because now all he wanted was to take Barba to bed, to feel him move beneath his hands, to hear that husky voice in his ear whispering filth, whispering endearments. 

Not knowing which would actually turn him on even more. 

When they finally broke apart, both of them were breathing heavily. Sonny felt a little dizzy at how hard his blood was pounding in his ears. 

“Carisi… I,” Rafael started, only to have his words fail. “You sure you want this? I mean…” 

“Sonny,” the detective interrupted. “And just shut-up for a moment Rafael.” 

Sonny didn’t mean to call the ADA by his first name, but if he were honest with himself, he already had started calling him that in his head for a while now. 

At first Rafael wanted to admonish Carisi for the use without his permission. But he found it increasingly hard to care, especially once the younger man used his thumb to loosen the knot of his tie, so he could stroke that sensitive notch at the base of his throat. 

“Sonny,” Rafael breathed, which made Carisi give a small smile, which did not betray the shock to the system he felt at hearing his name come out whole from the other man’s mouth. 

So he kissed him again, this time with increased urgency. This time the kiss was harder, sharper, as Rafael sank his teeth for a brief second into his bottom lip. The ADA dropped a hand into Sonny’s lap, and he felt himself harden at the contact. 

Pulling back, Rafael got to his feet and tugged Sonny to follow him. Before he even opened the door, Sonny already could picture Rafael’s bedroom. A massive bed with dark sheets, heavy oak furniture and probably a closet that could have put a one-bedroom to shame. 

But all of that didn’t really matter to Sonny, as he caught Rafael by the belt loops so he could turn him around for another kiss. 

“God, you’re gorgeous,” Sonny murmured against Rafael’s lips, wanting to see more. Rafael pressed himself closer, and Sonny’s heart skittered when he felt the outline of his cock against his thigh. 

“Not so bad yourself Detective,” Rafael replied, all seduction and smarm. He was too into this now, his early hesitation put on the backburner by Carisi’s deep kisses and handsy ways. 

He supposed he should call him Sonny now, given how close he was to wanting to suck his dick. 

The more rational part of Barba’s mind wondered if he was doing the right thing, Maybe he was a rebound, maybe this would turn out to be a mistake. But all that went away the minute Sonny pulled his shirt out of his trousers, inching his fingers beneath the fabric so he could stroke the soft curve of his belly. 

Rafael wanted him. 

Suddenly his lust turned more frantic, and Rafael unzipped Sonny’s trousers with a practiced gesture, slipping his hand inside the slit so he could palm his cock, squeezing it through the fabric. 

Sonny groaned into his mouth. 

“You are wearing too many clothes,” Sonny suddenly growled, pulling at Rafael’s tie until it came loose. His fingers stuttered as he tried to undo the ADA’s shirt buttons, as it was at that moment that Rafael had chosen to rub his knuckles against his balls. 

Rafael shot him a smug cat-got-the-cream look, which Sonny responded with a mild glare. He wasn’t going to let Barba have the upper hand so easily. And there was only one real way to do that. 

He dropped to his knees and undid the ADA’s trousers. 

Rafael inhaled sharply as Sonny nuzzled his dick through the fabric, inhaling the smell of musk as he felt his trousers get tight. Licking his lips, Sonny pulled the waist of Rafael’s black briefs down so that he could get a clearer view of his cock. 

And it did not disappoint, heavy and thick, with a clear bead of fluid at the tip. It had been a while since Sonny had given a blowjob, but he would be lying if he didn’t admit that a part of him had missed it. Missed the act of sucking dick, the heft on his tongue, the way it filled his mouth, and that jump if he did something right. 

“Don’t just look at it,” Rafael said gruffly, resisting the urge to lean forward a bit so his cock would touch Sonny’s lips. 

All he got in response was a wicked smile and a flash of lust in those blue eyes before Sonny sucked on the tip. Rafael groaned deep in his chest as he anchored his hands on Sonny’s shoulders, to counterbalance his suddenly weak knees. 

He dug his fingers in harder when Sonny started to suckle harder, his tongue twisting and digging into the slit. Sonny then took him in deeper, as deep as he could before pulling back slowly, deliberately, his lips tight against the shaft until he had pulled off completely with a soft “pop”. 

Sonny winced as he felt Rafael grab his hair so that he could see his face. 

“Don’t you dare,” Rafael said, but his threat was clearly empty. At least, Sonny thought it was. 

No matter, one taste, rich and bitter, and Sonny was already hooked. So he took Barba’s cock back in his mouth, one hand on the base so he could jerk him off as he blew him. Warm and tight, and Rafael felt a kick in his chest at the low hum as Sonny moaned around his length. 

“Damn... _fuck_ ,” Rafael swore when he felt the tip of his prick hit the back of Sonny’s throat. So Sonny kept it up, sucking, bobbing, until he felt his own cock leak against his pants and he had to squeeze the base to keep his lust at bay. 

“Enough… _enough_ Sonny,” Rafael almost snapped, as he pulled on his ear to call him off. It was a move he regretted a moment later when he saw Sonny’s upturned face, his mouth glistening, blood bruised and sticky. 

Barba’s blood heated even more when Sonny slowly, and very deliberately, licked his lips. 

“On the bed, now,” Rafael ordered, undoing the rest of his clothes himself so he could at least drape it over the chair. He knew in his state if he left it to Carisi, his clothes would most likely end up in a crumpled heap on the floor. 

Carisi followed suit, only he seemed to care less where his clothes would end up. He wanted to see more of Barba, their earlier foreplay was not enough of a taste for what he really wanted to do. 

“I want to fuck you,” Sonny said, his voice almost a growl. 

“Then fuck me Sonny,” Rafael responded, his words breathy at the edges. Sonny followed Barba’s eyeline to the left side table, and flung open the drawer to find a strip of condoms and a partially-used tube of KY. 

This time Sonny did not deny himself the name what it was he was feeling. Jealousy, sharp and irrational. Jealousy that someone else had been in Barba’s bed before him.

Mentally shaking his head, Sonny knew that none of that mattered. That at the moment it was _him_ that Rafael wanted, it was Sonny that he was currently spreading his legs for, waiting for him to slide his fingers inside him. 

“Are you waiting for a bus Sonny?” Barba snapped. But Sonny could see that he was antsy by the way he was stroking his cock, the rub of oversensitive skin against his expensive cotton sheets. 

Clenching a condom packet between his teeth, Sonny squeezed a generous amount of lube on his fingers before lying alongside the other man. Dropping the packet beside his head, Sonny kissed the sensitive turn of Rafael’s shoulders as his fingers continued a sticky path past the swell of his belly, his cock and balls, until finally it rested at his entrance. 

Sonny moaned into skin when he felt Rafael’s muscles flutter around the rim, before he pushed a finger into his smooth heat. 

“More,” Rafael demanded, pressing himself against Sonny’s hand. One finger became two as Sonny twisted and stretched, as a riot of images ran through his head. Whatever thoughts he had just dissolving into tactile sensation. 

“There are so many ways I want to fuck you Rafael,” Sonny breathed, the words spilling out of their own volition, as he pressed his dripping cock against Rafael’s thigh so he could rut against it. 

“How do you want to fuck me Sonny?” Rafael tugged on his cock as he felt Sonny get harder and thicker with every jerk of his hip. It was all the encouragement Sonny needed to let go of his last bit of reserve. 

“I want to bend you over the edge of your bed and take you from behind,” Sonny breathed, clamping his teeth on Rafael’s earlobe. 

“I want to pull you on my lap so you can take my entire cock. I want to tie you up so I can flip you over and pound you so hard that you won’t be able to walk for a week.” 

Rafael had to hold on the base of his cock to keep from cumming as Sonny just kept telling him what he wanted to do, all the ways he had to have him. How he wanted to deep-throat his dick and swallow his cum. 

And then Sonny was _there_ between his thighs, rolling the condom down his substantial cock and drizzling lube over his asshole. Rafeal felt Sonny stretch him open with his thumb before slipping the tip inside, a bite of pain as Sonny slid all the way to the hilt, stretching him open around the girth of his prick. 

“Fuck, fuck... _fuck_ ,” Sonny cursed, Rafael tightening up around him as he bottomed out. He paused for a breath before he started to thrust, slowly at first, but stronger and harder as he dug his knees in. 

Kiss him, Sonny needed to kiss him. He leaned over to catch Rafeal’s mouth, cool and open as he moaned from the back of his throat every time Sonny fucked him just right. 

“Good Sonny, fuck Sonny, that is so good,” Rafael groaned his hips canting upwards, his eyes darker than Sonny had every seen them as he worked his cock with frantic strokes. Sonny ran a hand through that wire silk of Rafael’s generous chest hair and dipped his head so he could bite and suck on a nipple, tasting salt and musk. 

Rearing back, Sonny placed his hands on Rafael’s knees to open him up even more so he could look down. So he could watch as his hard, slick cock pumped in and out of Rafael’s clenching hole. 

One particular hard thrust and Rafael cried out, his back arching as he stretched his arms behind his head so he could reach for his headboard. 

It was then that Sonny saw it.

Flowing, delicate script on the inside of Rafael’s arm. Placed in such a way that it couldn’t be seen, even through his shirts, but bold enough that it could not be ignored. 

Seeing it for some reason kicked Sonny’s desire even higher, and his mouth ached. Leaning forward, he placed his hands underneath Rafael’s broad shoulders so he could pull him closer. 

In this position he could drive into Rafael harder, the heat growing to a point inside him that he felt he could snap if the older man touched him more. Sonny sucked on any bit of skin he could find, Rafael’s lips, the jut of his collarbone and finally to the tattoo that he had been waiting so long to see, licking it only briefly so as to not give away how much it had affected him. 

“So good, _so good_ Rafael,” Sonny said, all his filters gone as his orgasm started to creep up on him. One more hard thrust and Sonny felt the other man clench around him as Rafael came in hot stripes across both their chests. 

Carisi stilled for a moment to let Rafael ride out his climax, before moving again the minute he felt him relax. A couple more hard thrusts and Sonny was coming hard, his spunk filling the condom. 

Sonny took a couple deep gulps of air as he tried to get his breathing back under his control. But then he made the mistake of looking down and saw Rafael practically melt into his sheets, hints of a satisfied smile playing across his lips. 

He looked completely fucked out, and Sonny felt a hint of unexpected pride that he was the one who had done this to him. 

One more soft kiss and Sonny pulled out, hissing a little between the teeth at the friction. Tying the condom off, he dropped it in the bin next to Barba’s nightstand before turning back to the older man. 

For a few minutes they just stared at each other, but Sonny could not stop himself from running a fingertip up and down Rafael’s arm, needing some kind of contact to reassure him that he wasn’t hallucinating. 

“Here,” Rafael finally spoke, handing Sonny a couple of wet wipes, which he accepted gratefully. 

“You look like you are about to pass out, why don’t you get comfortable?” Rafael said quietly. 

“You sure?” Sonny asked, but he could practically feel himself slur. Too many late nights, too many days spent chasing down bad guys, it was all starting to catch up to him. And Rafael could see that. 

“Sleep, we will talk in the morning,” Rafael said, pushing himself off the bed so he could take a quick shower. When he came out, Sonny was already deep asleep, his hair a shock of brown and silver against his emerald coloured pillows. 

Rafael just stared at his sleeping form as his emotions overlapped in knots inside him. But the hour was too late and he knew that there would be no answers coming. 

So instead he just laid down next to the younger man, pulled his blanket up and closed his eyes. 

Rafael fell asleep with the feeling of cool satin on his cheek and the scent of wood sage and sea salt like residual air in his lungs. 

***

Sonny felt very hot. 

Uncomfortably hot even, to the point where it felt like his forehead was burning. 

Blinking awake, Sonny was almost blinded by a single sunbeam that had managed to force its way between the cracks of Barba’s blackout curtains. Letting out an intelligible curse, Carisi shifted the pillow so he was out of the sunbeam’s way and felt instant relief in the coolness of the dark. 

His eyes suddenly flew open. _Barba’s_ curtains. _Barba’s_ pillows. _Barba’s_ bed. 

And sleeping next to him was Barba himself, breathing softly through his mouth with one arm half-tucked under his pillow. 

Sonny jerked up, fully awake now. But he immediately felt regret at moving so abruptly, possibly waking Rafael up. Luckily it appeared the prosecutor was a heavy sleeper and he didn’t seem to have registered the undulation of his mattress. 

Letting out a slow breath, Sonny ran a hand through his mussed hair. He felt achy, but it was a good kind of ache. It was as if this was the first good night’s sleep he had gotten in weeks, which probably it was. 

Looking down at the older man, Sonny wasn’t prepared for the pang of tenderness he felt in his chest. Asleep, Rafael looked so much younger, the lines in his forehead absent, the curve of his jaw soft with the absence of tension he usually carried with him. 

The way he was sleeping also gave Sonny a better look at his tattoo, which he had only caught a glimpse of the night before, where he had been so lust hazed that he could barely comprehend it. 

But now he could see the solid black lines against the gray shading, how it took up most of the real estate under his arm. Even in the poor light he could still read it. 

_“Move the stars for no one”_

The phrase sounded vaguely familiar to Sonny, but he found it hard to place in the current moment. But it sounded like an edict that Barba would most definitely hold on to. That in his world there would be only his rules and nobody else's. 

Sonny felt his emotions start to bubble up, all the confusion and mixed feelings he had before swirling like a whirlpool inside of him. 

He needed to take a step back. 

Sliding off the bed, Carisi grabbed his trousers on the way to the bathroom. After giving himself a quick wash, he made his way to the kitchen, finally having remembered that he had left something on in the oven. 

Biting back a sigh, Carisi pulled the now cold pot of soup out and lifted the lid. It still looked and smelt fine, but the stock had started to congeal in the corners, which meant that it would need a bit more fiddling with. 

He put the pot back on the stove, but didn’t turn on the gas. Instead, Sonny leaned against the counter as he tried to get his thoughts in order. He had his answer now about Barba’s tattoo, but rather than give him closure, all he got was more questions. 

He thought he knew Barba better by now. But he wondered if that was really the case.

“Never figured you the type to fuck and run Detective.” 

Carisi almost jumped four feet off the ground when Barba suddenly appeared in the doorway. Looking up, he saw that Barba was dressed in a terry cloth bathrobe with his arms folded against his chest and a hard expression on his face. 

But it was he said that hurt the most. Words like napalm, sticking to his skin, burning into his conscience. 

“I am _not_ running Barba, I just needed a moment to get my bearings that is all,” Carisi said defensively, wishing for the first time that he more clothes on. Facing Barba was hard enough, never mind that he was naked from the waist up. 

The ADA’s eyes narrowed, and Carisi instantly knew he had said the wrong thing. 

“It’s back to Barba now huh Carisi?” Barba said with clear derision in his voice. “Let me guess, you are regretting what we did last night aren’t you?” 

Carisi’s eyes widened. 

“What? No! I don’t Rafael, last night was…” Carisi trailed off as he tried to put it into words. He wanted to tell the ADA that yesterday had been wonderful, that he had never really felt passion like that in his life, a connection so solid that it both grounded him and shook him up. 

“Then what was behind your behaviour the past few weeks Carisi? The talking, the flirting, the wanting to get to know me better,” Barba waved his hand in the direction of the stovetop as if it were evidence. 

Carisi swallowed hard as he watched Barba attempt to take a step towards him only to hold himself back. 

“Why did you get your tattoo?” Carisi asked in a spurt of bravery, planting his feet firmly on the ground. Barba looked at him as if he had lost his mind. 

“Why does that matter? And furthermore, why do you want to know? And besides I asked you first.” 

This time Barba did take a step forward, his hands clenched into fists by his side. 

“Why?” 

Carisi knew he deserved Barba’s censure, but that didn’t mean he could give him a good reason for why he had been acting the way he had. How could he when the solution was no clearer to him now than before they had slept together. 

The detective had half a mind to just walk away. To tell Barba that maybe what they needed was a couple hours apart so that they could cool down and maybe talk with more sense. 

But as he opened his mouth to say that, something in Barba’s expression stopped him. 

For the first time since this whole thing started, Carisi looked at Barba, _really_ looked at him. 

He felt his chest tighten and his heart stutter. 

There in his kitchen, standing in the pale morning light, Carisi finally looked behind the anger and the snark. Sonny saw the uncertainty that in a pinch could pass for vulnerability. He saw someone who wanted to know where he stood. 

And Carisi realised that of all the reasons he had for wanting to know Rafael better, the ultimate one was that he never wanted to put that expression on his face again. 

The answer, it came so clearly to him that he was surprised he hadn’t thought of it before.

Of course that was why, what an idiot he had been. 

“Because I want you to fall hopelessly in love with me Rafael.” 

Of all the things he expected Sonny to say, Rafael wasn’t expecting that. His surprise must have been evident across his face, which Sonny took advantage of to take a step forward. Now it was his turn to move in closer, to close the gap. 

Sonny found it in him to be daring enough to take Rafael’s hands and put them on the sides of his face. Showing him that he had nothing to fear. 

“Because I might be hopelessly in love with you,” Sonny finished, his voice soft, his blue eyes calm, because he meant every word. 

“Carisi… you….” 

Sonny kissed him. This time he was the one who made the first move, the leap of faith, the way Barba had last night. Although admittedly it was not that far of a leap for Sonny, he probably had half a foot off the cliff from the minute they had met. 

“Sonny... Counselor, remember?” Sonny reminded him with a slight smirk when they broke apart. When Barba stayed silent, Sonny knew that this wasn’t the place for them to be having this conversation. 

Taking his hand, he pulled Barba back to his bedroom so they could once more sit on his bed, enveloped in the pale grey darkness. Some things were just easier said in the dark Sonny figured. 

While Barba sat up right on the edge of the bed, Sonny chose to lie down, unfurling his long limbs as he waited for the ADA to speak. That was Barba to the core, a long slow thought process delivered in a rapid fire manner. 

“What is it exactly you want us to become Sonny?” Rafael finally spoke, turning around so he was sitting cross-legged facing Sonny. Sonny tilted his head further into the pillow as he met the older man’s eyes. 

“I want us to be us. I want us to snipe and argue and be combative at work, and yet still catch bad guys. I want us to have dinner and talk about whatever it is we talk about. I want to know why you don’t own a foldable umbrella and where your favourite coffee shop is.” 

Sonny placed a hand on Rafael’s knee and traced formless patterns into the terry cloth. He took a deep breath to steele his nerves before letting it out in a huff. 

“And maybe you get to know a bit more about me,” Sonny finished quietly, looking down. He felt rather than saw the bed shift, and by the time he looked up again Rafael had laid down next to him

That gesture, from someone was reticent as the ADA, was pretty much an admission that he was probably willing to give it a try. It was enough to give Carisi a burst of courage to reach over and tug at the end of the tie holding the bathrobe together, allowing it to fall open. 

Carisi had to hold back a low moan of satisfaction. Last night, he had been too strung up on the newness of touching Barba that he really hadn’t taken everything in. Now that he was allowed to look, he noticed the gorgeous broadness of his chest, the definition of his shoulders and the softness beneath. 

It was such a juxtaposition to his own gawky limbs and lean physique, his joints pinned together as if with wooden pegs so that he never really knew where his hands should go. 

“We should really talk,” Rafael said softly. Sonny shrugged. 

“So talk, but let’s do it like this, with nothing between us.” 

And Barba knew he was not just speaking literally. 

As if emphasising his point, Sonny pulled off his jeans with one clear motion, revealing his half-hard cock pressed against his pale stomach. Reaching across, he pushed at the shoulders of Rafael’s robe until the ADA relented and took the whole thing off himself. 

The minute Barba leaned back down, Sonny was there with his arms around his waist, tenderly touching the small of his back, before moving south so he could palm his ass. 

Rafael smirked as he heard Sonny give a guttural groan as he squeezed the curves like he wanted to sink his teeth into it. 

“Never figured you for an ass man Sonny,” Rafael mocked. But the insult was toothless given Sonny could practically feel Rafael’s skin flush. 

“Your ass maybe,” he answered back, and grinned when Rafael gave him a nod as if to say “ _not bad_ ”. But that disappeared the moment Sonny slipped a fingertip inside him. Not really to arouse Rafael, rather it was because Sonny selfishly wanted to feel him, to feel how soft and open he was after taking Sonny’s cock the night before. 

“There is a lot to think about,” Rafael said quietly. 

“Yes, there is,” Sonny replied. The words hung there in the air, a pause, an exhale, before a moment of understanding passed between them. 

For now though, all Sonny wanted was to pull Rafael closer to him, to kiss him, to take in his breath in his chest. 

He rolled both of them over so Sonny was on top of him, pressed chest to chest, their cocks brushing together. In this position he could finally kiss him like he wanted, long and languorous, with increasing sweetness and heat. 

Here he was close enough to trace Rafael’s strong features, run his thumb over his full lashes and down the aquiline slope of his nose.

Sonny could feel his nipples harden as they caught in Rafael’s chest hair, and felt a tug lower down in his groin. Their skin becoming increasingly damp, their cocks becoming increasingly hard as they slowly ground against each other. 

Unlike the night before, there was no urgency here, no need or want to tear into each other to satisfy their lust that came in quick, sharp spikes. Instead, it rolled over Sonny’s skin, warm and sticky, even as Rafael’s cock filled out between them. 

Sneaking a hand down, Sonny swiped a thumb over the head of Rafael’s dick, before bringing it up to his mouth. The younger man could feel Rafael’s cock twitch as he rubbed that thumb over his dark brown nipples. 

But neither of them felt the need to move things along. Instead they let their fingers do the exploring, mapping out the plains and dips of each other’s body. Sonny felt his shoulders tremble when Rafael drew his foot up and down the sensitive back of his calf. 

It was enough impetus for Sonny to push Rafael’s arms up, baring them to his gaze. Now he was allowed to look at Rafael’s tattoo unencumbered, allowed to put his mouth over the inked lines. 

Sonny flicked out his tongue so he could taste Rafael’s skin, clean with a bare hint of salt. Run the tip over the slightly raised edges following the shape of the letters, letting his teeth graze from the almost delicate turn of his elbow down to almost his shoulder. 

Rafael never thought of that part of his body as sensitive. But as Sonny worried and teased with lips and teeth, licking and sucking until Rafael could feel a wetness trickle down his arm, a shiver travelled through his entire body that almost felt like an orgasm. That made his cock jerk and leak over his thigh. 

“I think you have an obsession,” Rafael said huskily.

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” Sonny answered back. Even his words sounded wet.

Rafael wanted nothing more to close his eyes and sink into the sound of Sonny laving his tongue all over his body, the velvet shuck of skin as he took both their cocks in his large hands. 

But the ADA was never the passive sort. Plus, there was something from the night before that he wanted to do that he never got to. 

“Sonny,” Rafael stopped his motions with a kiss to the temple. “I want to suck your dick.” 

With a flip of his hips, Sonny suddenly found himself on his back, a chill on his skin as Rafael moved his solid body off his, kissing and nuzzling a path until he rested between his legs. 

“You don’t have to Rafi,” Sonny stuttered, the slip of the nickname telling Rafael that he had somehow managed to fluster him. Rafael quirked an eyebrow as he gave him a barely contemptuous look. 

“What makes you think I don’t want to Sonny?” Rafael purposefully drew out his name, the syllables intimate and sensuous in his mouth. 

A brief kiss to the top of Sonny’s prick was all he got before Rafael moved on to other places, keeping his guessing as to where he would go next. Sonny jumped when Rafael gently bit the sensitive juncture between his thigh and hip, he moaned when Rafael sucked on his balls and nuzzled the spot behind. 

“Rafael… please.” 

Sonny was not above begging, not when Rafael’s mouth was _so_ close to his cock, pressed hot and hard against his cheek. And yet he still didn’t put his lips where Sonny wanted him to the most, instead choosing to stroke his inner thigh with his fingers. 

Rafael watched Sonny writhe under his ministrations and decided to take pity on him. Never mind that his own cock was so hard and sensitive that he was spotting his sheets. 

Sonny bit on his knuckles to stifle a groan when Rafael finally took him into his mouth, wrapping his lips around the head of his cock, sucking and flicking his tongue against the sensitive underside. 

He felt the twitch of Sonny’s hips and opened his throat too take more of him in. Fuck he was big, it been a while since he had taken something so big inside his mouth. Rafael gave a sharp twist to the base as he bobbed his head faster, and was rewarded with a seep of pre-cum at the back of his tongue. 

Sonny was so close, close enough that a misplaced touch could probably send him over. It was tempting but it wasn’t what Barba wanted. 

Regretfully, he pulled off Sonny’s dick with a sigh before pushing himself up so they were once more pressed against each other. 

“I want you inside me Sonny,” Rafael said, deliberately dragging his cock over Sonny’s thigh, fighting the urge to hump him until he was spent. 

Nodding and swallowing hard, Sonny reached for the condoms and lube, tearing into one with his teeth and rolling it down his aching prick. He emptied the rest of the KY over his fingers as Barba propped up a pillow underneath his hips. 

Suddenly their earlier deliberate pace was not enough for them, close as they were to the end. Rafael let out a pleasure laced moan as Sonny slid two fingers into him, his body relaxing as the detective finger fucked him open. 

“Shame… you couldn’t bend me… over this time,” Rafael said between open mouth pants, his back arching as Sonny’s long fingers reached his prostate. 

“Next time,” Sonny said with a dark grin. Yes, there would definitely be a next time, where Sonny would mount him from behind, fuck him, edge him, until Rafael ruined his expensive sheets. 

Rafael opened his mouth to rebuke the other man, only to let out a groan as Sonny fully slid inside him. He let out a series of short, sharp sounds as Sonny fucked him hard and deep the minute he could, the other man hissing when Rafael raked his nails down the sensitive underside of his ribs. 

“Yes, Sonny, more Sonny, harder Sonny.” Rafael urged, digging his nails into Sonny so deep that it would leave a mark. Sonny grunted and thrust harder, pushed in as far as he would go before grinding his hips against the back of Rafael’s ass. 

“I fuck you so well, don’t I Rafi?” Sonny asked with brazen confidence, alternating his thrusts between sharp and sudden and long and deep. 

“Yes Sonny, good boy, like that… like _that_ ,” Rafael felt a shudder rip through him at how hard Sonny was fucking him, the slap of skin against skin almost louder than their breathy moans. 

Rafael came with a jerk, with Sonny’s hand firmly on his cock, his cum easing his stroke. It only took a handful more thrusts before Sonny’s own orgasm followed, gripping on to Rafael’s thighs so hard that it bruised. 

Oh yeah, Sonny thought, it was _definitely_ better the second time around.

A couple more breaths and Rafael’s vision cleared, his nerves so sensitive that even the texture of his sheets beneath him felt more pronounced and almost too much. He felt boneless and empty as Sonny pulled out, but he was more sated than he had been in a long time. 

Clean-up this time was easier and more perfunctory, and soon Sonny was back by his side, a hopeful look in his eyes as his fingers crept closer to Rafael’s body. 

The ADA took the hint and opened his arms, an offer that Sonny took up without a beat of hesitation. Sonny settled his head on the older man’s chest, closing his eyes as Rafael played with his hair. 

Sonny felt so drowsy and was so close to drifting off when Rafael suddenly spoke. 

“That phrase. It reminds me of the advice my abuelita told me when I was younger. That in the face of whatever life threw at me, I should always stand my ground. I should always believe in myself, and whatever compromises I made, it should be on terms that I could live with.” 

Sonny held his breath at Rafael’s confession, lest he break the moment. Although his voice was steady, Sonny could catch the clear undercurrent beneath it, the wistfulness, the sorrow, the regret. 

“I know she meant a lot to you,” Sonny started then corrected himself. “I know she _means_ a lot to you.”

“And I am sorry you had to go through that.” 

Rafael gave a half-shrug that could not quite camouflage the pain. 

“Some hurts get easier to deal with over time.” 

“But they never go away,” Sonny raised his head so he could kiss the corner of Rafael’s mouth. More than what they had just done, Rafael telling him this managed to ease Sonny’s emotions about the ADA even more. 

He was grateful that Rafael had decided to share this, but the older man wasn’t done yet. 

“The man that did the tattoo for me was my first male lover,” Rafael said softly, which made Sonny perk up in surprise. 

“I met him, while at Harvard. He was this typical bad-boy undergrad, brash and cocky, who would share his cigarette after we had sex. But he was also wonderfully artistic with talented hands who drew sketches of me. Needless to say, as a kid who went to Catholic school in the barrio, I fell like a tonne of bricks.” 

Sonny swallowed before allowing himself to speak. “He sounds like something else.” 

“He was. He dropped out after the first year but we kept in touch. I heard that he had opened a pretty good studio somewhere in Hell’s Kitchen, and when I decided I wanted this tattoo, it was a no brainer that I would go to him.” 

Sonny took all of this in, tracing a circle on the lower part of Rafael’s stomach as he chose his next words carefully. 

“Did the both of you reconnect when he did it?” Sonny said casually, accompanying his question with a soft kiss to Rafael’s shoulder before looking up. But it only took one glance at Rafael’s face before he realised that he wouldn’t get an answer. 

To be frank, Rafael didn’t really want to give him one. He needed to keep some mystery after all. 

“Ever think of getting another one?” Sonny asked, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Not sure, never really thought about it after that time. It was just something that I needed to do at that moment,” Rafael pondered, the urge to sleep suddenly crowding him. 

“But, you won’t go back to him right?” Sonny said, trying and failing not to sound a smidge jealous. 

Rafael was torn between laughing and rolling his eyes. They had only slept together twice and he was sure that Sonny was already planning a holiday together. 

But… he was surprisingly okay with that.

Instead, he just kissed Sonny in a way that was meant to be reassuring, more than words ever could. Telling him that sometimes it was okay to not have all the answers. 

Which Sonny supposed was fine although, he thought wryly, Rafael was pretty much the one holding all the cards here. 

“Sorry we never got to taste your soup Sonny.” 

“No worries about it Rafi,” Sonny said with a wide smile as he propped himself up on his forearms. “Don’t you know? Soup is always better a day later.” 

That smile, it was bright enough to blot out all the stars in Rafael’s sky. 

Maybe it _was_ Rafael’s turn to know more about Sonny. To know what exactly was in that soup, who was it that gave him the recipe, and maybe the story behind that scar Rafael had fleetingly noticed underneath his chin. 

Maybe one day Rafael too would fall. 

Hopelessly. 

***

**The End**

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and comments/kudos are always welcome. I've come to really love this fandom, despite certain twists in the show that we do not talk about. 
> 
> That aside, thanks again! 
> 
> Songs used: 
> 
> I : 雫 ~ Kagrra, (from the album 雫)  
> II: Everything ~ Lifehouse (from the album No Name Face)


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